My husband the father of my children passed in 2009. I noticed some time after that my son was lying a lot. My son is now 18 and the lying hasn’t stopped. He lies about everything. The other day when I got home one of the kids had done the dishes. I asked my son who did the dishes? He said his sister did. When I said something to her about the dishes turns out he lied. He had done the dishes. I don’t understand why anyone would lie like this. I taught my children the importance of being honest and trustworthy and l have done my best to lead by example which makes this extreamly frustrating. Please help me help him fix this.


Therapist Answer with Transcription

Hey, thank you for asking your question here at parent guidance. I’m dr. Kevin Skinner, and I’d like to spend a bit of time on your important question. We’re seeing more and more of this type of a questions about vaping and smoking pot you say that you call your 16 year old vaping and smoking pot. He’s days. It’s no big deal and doesn’t know why we’re up so upset or he says it’s no big deal. And why are we so upset? What should we do? Well, I think first of all, I think that we have a
a growing culture where smoking pot is being accepted vaping is is is it being seen as not a big deal? I think first of all the question that I ask any parent is can you have influence on your child? Because our children often as they get older or 16 17 years old they kind of become little more self focused and they see the world around their lands and and truthfully there at the stage where
Like I’m going to be myself what I got my own identity. I’m going to be me. So I wonder if you can have influence or not. And and that’s let’s first question. Can I have influence if I can have influence? How am I going to communicate to my child in a way that lets him know my concerns. You also want to look at the friends that he’s with because more often than not our people is your son smoking alone, or is he in a cohort or a group of people?
People that’s what they do because we know that social influence as a big influence on our own children. So is there a group or is he doing it by himself now? There’s two important things here. If it’s with a group then there’s a social expectation if he’s doing it by himself. He’s probably coping with things that we don’t know what those are but he’s coping with something that’s going on. Is he being bullied is he being pressured is he being made fun of whatever whatever the story maybe those were things.
I would want to know in order to really provide the best support as possible as a parent. He’s upset doesn’t know why. I think it’s important that you do some education if at all possible do some research on vaping and and and ask him a to watch that with you and then see if you can get him to open up. I think you as a parent have to be open about the possibility that you might not don’t have a lot of influence here.
And so the only way we find that we have influences is we can develop a relationship first if we can have a connection a conversation without him feeling judged or you know, why are you so upset about this but more of approaching this of I’m trying to understand help me understand and then ultimately is the ability to say here are some of my concerns obviously, I’m not going to be able to stop you, but I do have concerns and and hopefully you can get your son to open up about the vaping.
The smoking pot and I would let them him know of your personal values beliefs and concerns and and let him know that this matters to you and that you care about him and you care about his health and certainly the research is showing especially with some vaping that there’s some significant things that are happening that I think if you do a little bit of research you might be able to share that with your son is a hay or some of the concerns and and the same thing with pot. I know it’s growing in terms of its usage around the United States and Canada.
But I think it’s fair to say, you know, we don’t know the influence of this and I again, there’s one other part here. I would say my experience based upon conversations I’ve had is that individuals who are vaping smoking pot with something that happens to them is that they begin to either disconnect from certain groups or they connect with other groups and I would want to make sure that we focus on the relations your relationship and and see if we can help him.
Standard he can have relationships that are positive and those relationships often they end because there’s other problems that are going on one final thought and that is is your son possibly vaping or using pot to slow down his mind. Is he anxious? Does he have ADHD now the reason why I ask that is sometimes the anxious ADHD mind. Sometimes we’ll use
Spot to slow down the mine because they’re so anxious. So that’s something that you might consider as you think about this now, obviously if it if you can’t have influence or if you’re concerned at a deeper level, then I was considered professional counseling to make sure that you and your son are getting proper support to talk about this in a real meaningful way because I think there is a proper reason and the reason to be concerned. Anyway, thanks for your question. I wish you and your son the best as you move forward.

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